(This isn't me)
There is a trail/field off of a road near my home that I heard about recently and visited about a week ago. I had so much near-catastrophic fun that I decided to bring some friends along today. Almost got stuck three times, hit the redline on my Jeep once, bottomed out the suspension numerous times, and scraped the undercarriage on some rather sturdy, packed-in dirt that was sandwiched by giant mud-filled ruts. I also nearly tipped over my vehicle if it hadn’t been for some deft maneuvering on my part. And luck, don’t forget about that. Luck was with me today.
I would like to suggest to you that if you find yourself behind the (steering) wheel of a two-wheel drive SUV with above-average ground clearance that you do not despair; you are not barred from the world of natural mud-slinging. *Yoda voice* Keep your wits about you, you must; drive skillfully you must, but get stuck you will not.
The fire portion of my day: Yesterday I tried to grill hamburgers. Efforts to do this failed due to simple issues with the grill that were not discovered until an hour after diner time. The proposed solution to these problems was to add wood chips to the grill. Today, that “solution” was shown to be more of a “safety risk”.
(This is after 2 full cups of water being poured on the grill)
Today I opened the gas tank, lit the fire, and walked away for 10 minutes to let the grill heat up, as usual. When I returned, an apocalyptic scene of hell, fire and brimstone greeted me. It was if some neighborhood Iraqui had taken it upon himself to exact revenge for the destruction wrought to his country by pouring a fucking tank of lighter fluid on my grill. Smoke was pouring out of holes and gaps that I weren’t even aware existed in my poor little grill. As soon as I opened the lid, I had to dodge eyebrow-singeing flames that were jumping at least a yard into the air. As I took stock of the situation, from a couple yards away, I noticed that a piece of foam, about 2 feet by 1 foot, was ablaze, right next to the tank of natural gas. Reasoning that this was most likely bad, I went inside and returned quickly with 2 full cups of water. Dousing the foam-flame took 2 more cups of water, calming the actual grill fire took the same. Much sizzling and smoking ensued.
Once the grill had cooled down, a good 75% of the wood chips were removed. Re-lighting the fire, I proceeded to cook hamburgers in 1/3 of the normal time. Grilling has just become fun again.
As for the “Newman” portion of my day... Well, that’s pretty straight-forward. I was outside with my dog and heard the mailman coming, so I went inside to get my BB gun, and I shot it from behind a fence. I dropped down behind the fence, out of sight, giggled profusely for a couple seconds, laid the gun down, and walked calmly back into view of the mailman and to my dog. No one knew.
I shot it again as it left my col-de-sac.
Oh, and about the title of this entry (“There is a lizard living in my ceiling”), there really is. I saw it about 3 weeks ago. I had been doing schoolwork in my basement, sitting at my desk, and had been hearing some small scittering noises in the background. I’m fairly convinced that there are a few rats in the basement walls, so I thought nothing of it, until I realized that the sounds were coming from above.
My basement ceiling is made up of those white, sheetrock-ish tiles that are pocketed with dozens of small holes. There are also some fluorescent lights, and under these lights there are clear, plastic tiles in place of the sheetrock ones.
When I looked up, I saw the belly of a lizard walking around on the tile. Instead of taking the tile down and trying to get it, I just watched and laughed. Guess that’s because I’m not a homeowner yet.
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