Sunday, April 25, 2010

I am about to break rules 1 and 2 for just a single paragraph, and absolutely no more.

I now know about 4chan. I understand 4chan. I am afraid of 4chan. And I am awed by 4chan. It is a beautiful and terrible place, where all pictures and files are found, internet memes so powerful that they transfer into the IRL plane of existence are created, politically and morally incorrect laughs are had, and innocence is taken. It is a network widely felt, but rarely talked about. Just remember: 4chan is watching you. And it wants MOAR.



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I don’t know about the North , West , Mid-west, the Mid-east, or the half-way-north-easternly-wayward-son parts of America are, but in the South, summer means bumblebees galore. I have no idea where these things come from. Either they become invisible to the naked eye during the rest of the seasons, or they hide in an underground cave with Bin Ladin until they just get bored and come back up for flowers; either option is not very comforting.

But with lemons, one must make lemonade. As such, I have created a new sport: Bumblebee Bashing.

You will need:
1. A large supply of bumblebees
2. A tennis racket
3. Quick reflexes
4. A good battle cry when you whack one out of the air
5. The ability to not cry like a pansy when they sting you
6. Some sort of deadly chemical to spray into the air at the Chuck Norris bumblebee that you will inevitably be unable to defeat.



My dog eagerly watched as I went on my first hunting outing. He is an old devotee of Bumblebee Swallowing, a related sport which I do not complete in, for personal reasons (re: I’m not a dog).

There was much swinging, threatening, and gnashing of teeth.

5 minutes, 7 slain bumblebees and 0 stings later, I decided to quit while I was ahead. Those things do not appreciate newbies; they react angrily to near-misses, flying a couple feet above you and then dive-bombing in a desperate attempt to sting you in the eye for your failures. When they do this, do not scream like a little girl. They can sense fear. It will only excite them.

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